Changes…

This post is about a dream I had about a year ago…I’d posted it in my notes on Facebook but I figured it needs to go here.

I’ve always had lucid dreams that I can remember for hours and even days after I actually have them. I used to keep a dream journal but I have no clue as to where it could be now. While I slept on Monday, I was a passive observer in a dream in which I died…I was having lunch with my aunt and uncle at Au Bon Pain and it was so awesome because for years my aunt and I have had a distant relationship at best so to be able to sit down and have lunch with her and everything go well was a great sign. I’ve had dreams about my aunt several times over the past several years; some good, some bad, so I didn’t think anything of it, really. We laughed and talked about everything under the sun and then some; she even joked about the fact that I still loved macaroni and cheese (ABP’s mac and cheese isdabomb.com)had the same huge appetite that I’d always had and how she used to think I’d end up weighing 300 pounds and she’d have to put me on a diet like she did when I was a little girl. It was almost idyllic.

The time came for us to leave, and it was raining out, so I volunteered to go get the car and pull it up to the front so they wouldn’t have to walk in the rain. I walked over to the car and was unlocking the door when an SUV turned down that side of the street and must have lost control on the slick street because the next thing I knew, I was smashed up on the side of my uncle’s car, crushed between the two vehicles. I watched the driver look around frantically as if to see who saw what happened; he tried to drive off but for some reason his tire had blown out (probably from the impact) and he was unable to leave. A couple seconds later, some people came out of the restaurant to see what had happened and then I saw my aunt and uncle run towards me. Someone must have called 911 because I could hear the sirens of an ambulance and the last thing I saw before passing out was it coming around the corner.

In my dream, I watched as the paramedics jumped out of the back of the ambulance and look at my unconscious body piteously as if to say “It’s already too late.” One of the medics pulled out a stretcher and a black body bag. “Is that for me?” I thought. Several tow trucks had arrived onto the scene by that time and one positioned itself in front of the SUV that had hit me and began to lift it out of the way so the paramedics would have better access to me. My aunt and uncle watched helplessly as the paramedics worked on me…one of them put two fingers to the side of my neck to check for a pulse…he nodded at his partner…I was still alive, but barely. They brought out a stability board, strapped me on, put it on the stretcher and wheeled me over to the ambulance and put me in. My uncle’s car was damaged so another tow truck towed it off and they both got into the back of the ambulance with me. My aunt grabbed one of my hands and my uncle rubbed my head while the paramedics worked on me. They hooked me up to oxygen, stuck all kinds of needles in my arms but I could feel myself slipping away. I could hear the heart monitor start to slow down and as I looked on, the squiggly lines weren’t squiggling anymore, and a long beep emitted from the machine. I was gone. I watched as my aunt and uncle both broke down and cried as the paramedics told them that my death was most likely due to internal injuries, I watched as the paramedics put me into the body bag and wheeled me from the ambulance and into the morgue…I looked on while my aunt made funeral arrangements and I even tried to tell her that since they couldn’t bury me next to my mother, I wanted to be cremated but of course she couldn’t hear me. I watched as my friends and family filed into the funeral home at my wake to view my body and cried right along with them as they said their goodbyes, and I stood by my grave while they lowered by body into it. 

The dream was wild because I was watching everything happen, and most people say that your dreams are in slow-motion, but this was all in real time, and it seemed so real to me that it freaked me out. I know that dreams aren’t to be taken literally, as in I know that I’m not going to die because of the dream, but when I looked up the interpretation of the dream, it said:

“To dream that you die in your dream symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or your life. You are undergoing a transitional phase and are becoming more enlightened or spiritual. Although such a dream may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm as it is often considered a positive symbol.  Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something. On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may be feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation. You are desperately trying to escape from the demands of your daily life.”

I’m really trying to get to the bottom of the meaning behind the dream because the fact that it was so vivid, so real, and has stuck in my brain tells me that someone is trying to tell me something, but I am not 100% sure how I should take it.

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One thought on “Changes…

  1. Zan, u ARE blossoming into an EXTRAORDINARY woman as the years go by. With all u have seen and gone thru, there’s no secret, along with your growth, that YOU are FREE…Thank God you are and that He has shown you…He’s not thru w/u yet. He has so much more LIFE ahead to show u & its gonna be AWESOME

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