TMI Thursday, Part Deux: Dear Gag Reflex, I hate you. Sincerely, Zan

As the luscious LiLu says: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s!***

If any guys happen to read this: if your girl hesitates to deep throat your dick, or if she pulls away when you try to push her head down, don’t keep pushing her head down! There is a reason for this, and a damned good one!

Lemme tell ya a story.

Picture it. Summer, 2001. I’d just moved into my own place and had been pretty busy “breaking it in” with this lil’ cutie I’d been boingin’ since my senior year of high school. (This is not the deflower-er…I’d moved on to…ahem…bigger and better things.) He was older, so whenever he and I hooked up, I’d pull out my lil’ bag of tricks and really work it on him because I wanted to make a good impression…every time. Keep ’em coming back, ya know the deal.

So, being that I was a broke, 19-year-old college student at the time, my dinner that night consisted of…you guessed it…Ramen noodles. I’d added my own little flair to them, and if I said so myself, they were pretty damned good. By the way, I hope you’re taking notes. There will be a test on this portion later.

Anydickmakesmegagbutiloveit, the boy called me at about 12am and told me he was on his way over. I jumped up and washed my ass real good, put on a lil’ sexy sumthin, and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Did I ever mention that I was a horny bitch? He came in and we got right to it. I was super horny and foreplay was hardly a necessity, and by that time, I’d gotten to the stage where giving head actually turned me on…it’s a control thing, I know. So I’m blessing him with a little skull action, and he’s apparently enjoying it, when he suddenly gets the not-so-bright idea to force me to take his dick deeper into my mouth. I already knew it was coming so I slowly lowered my mouth further down on it, taking it in as far as it could go.

But was this good enough for him?! Why, no! Because before I knew it, he was pushing my head down even farther, and before I knew what was happening, I puked all over his dick.

I’m sorry, did you miss that? One more time for the not-so-swift ones: my Ramen noodle dinner re-appeared all over his dick and pelvic area. I’ve never seen a man move so fast.

Him, over the rush of water from the showerhead: “What the fuck?! You puked on my dick!”

Me, through puke-tears and God only knows what else: “I am so sorry!”

Him: “Sorry? You’re sorry? You puked on my dick!”

Me, while cleaning myself and the mess that was made on the bed: “Well, it was your fault.”

Him: . . . . . .

Me: “Yeah, it was your fault, because you kept pushing my head down even though my tonsils were already tickling the head.”

Him: . . . . . .

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

In case you were wondering, yes, he and I are still friends, and as far as we are concerned, this never happened. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it since then. Hope you enjoyed!