TMI Thursday, Part Deux: Dear Gag Reflex, I hate you. Sincerely, Zan

As the luscious LiLu says: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell,bout someone else’s!***

TMI Thursday

If any guys happen to read this: if your girl hesitates to deep throat your dick, or if she pulls away when you try to push her head down, don’t keep pushing her head down! There is a reason for this, and a damned good one!

Lemme tell ya a story.

Picture it. Summer, 2001. I’d just moved into my own place and had been pretty busy “breaking it in” with this lil’ cutie I’d been boingin’ since my senior year of high school. (This is not the deflower-er…I’d moved on to…ahem…bigger and better things.) He was older, so whenever he and I hooked up, I’d pull out my lil’ bag of tricks and really work it on him because I wanted to make a good impression…every time. Keep ’em coming back, ya know the deal.

So, being that I was a broke, 19-year-old college student at the time, my dinner that night consisted of…you guessed it…Ramen noodles. I’d added my own little flair to them, and if I said so myself, they were pretty damned good. By the way, I hope you’re taking notes. There will be a test on this portion later.

Anydickmakesmegagbutiloveit, the boy called me at about 12am and told me he was on his way over. I jumped up and washed my ass real good, put on a lil’ sexy sumthin, and waited for what seemed like an eternity. Did I ever mention that I was a horny bitch? He came in and we got right to it. I was super horny and foreplay was hardly a necessity, and by that time, I’d gotten to the stage where giving head actually turned me on…it’s a control thing, I know. So I’m blessing him with a little skull action, and he’s apparently enjoying it, when he suddenly gets the not-so-bright idea to force me to take his dick deeper into my mouth. I already knew it was coming so I slowly lowered my mouth further down on it, taking it in as far as it could go.

But was this good enough for him?! Why, no! Because before I knew it, he was pushing my head down even farther, and before I knew what was happening, I puked all over his dick.

I’m sorry, did you miss that? One more time for the not-so-swift ones: my Ramen noodle dinner re-appeared all over his dick and pelvic area. I’ve never seen a man move so fast.

Him, over the rush of water from the showerhead: “What the fuck?! You puked on my dick!”

Me, through puke-tears and God only knows what else: “I am so sorry!”

Him: “Sorry? You’re sorry? You puked on my dick!”

Me, while cleaning myself and the mess that was made on the bed: “Well, it was your fault.”

Him: . . . . . .

Me: “Yeah, it was your fault, because you kept pushing my head down even though my tonsils were already tickling the head.”

Him: . . . . . .

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

In case you were wondering, yes, he and I are still friends, and as far as we are concerned, this never happened. This is the first time I’ve mentioned it since then. Hope you enjoyed!


13 thoughts on “TMI Thursday, Part Deux: Dear Gag Reflex, I hate you. Sincerely, Zan

  1. OH MY GOD. i am telling this story the very next time a guy does that irritating head push move thing. and then i kind of hope i puke on their dick anyway, just to teach them a lesson. ;-P

  2. Ah yes. The head push. There’s also the hand tug – when he’s ready for a hand job and you’re just not there yet. So, he grabs and tugs, and you take your hand back, and he tugs again, and the battle continues until you are in fact ready, or you’re just done.

  3. I keep threatening my bf that this is going to happen if he keeps pushing my head down. He doesn’t believe me. I’m going to have to show him this as proof.

  4. Colby: Ugh, I despise the hand tug almost as much as the head push…but I think LiLu has cornered the market on hand-job stories! Thanks for commenting!

  5. Caroline: I know, but to my 19-year-old self, it was tantamount to bleeding on him…(that came later)

    Liferehab: The proof is in the pudding! Or…in the Ramens…whichever you prefer…pudding would have been REALLY gross!

    A: Thank you! That means a lot to me. <3

    Redhead: Indeed. It should be published in some kind of Men’s Journal or something. I wonder if GQ is taking submissions? Men’s Health? Hmm…Playboy, even?

    Wonderful: One day they will learn to listen to us. One day.

    LiLu: Happy TMIT to you, too! Oh, yes, I always keep one hand on the nutsack now. They act right when it comes to their nuts. 🙂

  6. Maxie: I just “discovered” Tucker Max, and he is absolutely hilarious.

    Ken: I thank you for that…I’m sure he would disagree, though. But then again, maybe that’s why he didn’t kick me to the curb.

  7. hmmm.

    i feel compelled to point out that a girl who vomits while giving me head is actually going to placed at the VERY TOP of my list: it shows gusto.

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